just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Randomize
