life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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