Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
