i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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