My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
