Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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