Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
