before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Randomize
