Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
