Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
