hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
