I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
