he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
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Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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