You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
