Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
