Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
