I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
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