I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
