just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Fuck appropriateness.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
should my penis look like a turkey
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
