Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
