Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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