It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
