new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
My penis needs a shock collar
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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