so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
