I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
