So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
