It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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