So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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