yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize