my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
