Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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