guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
