I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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