$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
