Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
