If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
