I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
