Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
