ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
He felt like a one man threesome
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
