sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
