dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
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After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
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