You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
