he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
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