Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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