I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
