Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
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My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
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What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
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