we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Randomize
