Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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