I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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