please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
