My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
