i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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