i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
