All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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