it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
