I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
