chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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