You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
