Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
