I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize