My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
