She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Boobs are out for the taking
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
