I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I can text with my tongue
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
being pregnant is like rehab
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
