matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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