I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
