apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize