where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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