honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
