sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
