he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
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