Me too!
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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