i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize
